Saturday, November 22, 2014

you'll never help them get over it + scentsy raffle (7:30 pm)

It's happened plenty of times in the six months since I lost Wylie. I talk to friends and family about her and mostly how no one ever brings her up. People don't want to remind me, they say. They just want to be funny and tell jokes and say silly things that make me laugh because if I'm laughing -- if I'm laughing I must be over it, right? They mean well and I can understand the awkwardness in grief from a place that you've never been before. "I just wanted to help you get over it." The thing is, you're never going to help me get over it. You -- person reading this who knows someone who has lost a child -- are never going to help them get over it. They will never get over it. Maybe they will laugh sincerely, and maybe they will appear to have resumed normal life on the outside. Don't be confused, though. Don't assume they're "over it."

You can be kind, you can be compassionate. You can be a friend to laugh with, a shoulder to cry on. You can be someone to go to coffee with, to talk to on the phone about anything said friend wants to talk about -- but you're never going to help them get over it, so don't try.

Be there. Say the child's name. If there is a surviving sibling, refer to them as just that: a sibling. Realize that loss is isolation and society expects you to tuck it all away for the sake of everyone else's comfort. Realize that it doesn't have to be like that. Be the first step in making the madness stop. Acknowledge your friend is hurting. Love them when they're crying, love them when they're laughing. Be there, but know you'll never help them get over it.


I'm excited to bring you another raffle! This one was graciously donated by a local mom who I had the honor of meeting. Sarah not only runs a Scentsy shop but she's also the instructor at Musikgarten By The Beach. If you're in the Boca Raton area, check it out!

Sarah graciously offered a Scentsy "I Heart You" warmer:

She also included three scent bars: Mystery Man, Forever Yours and Ambrosia.

Congratulations to the winner:

#343 Jenna Edwards

1 comment: