Saturday, November 22, 2014

everyone grieves differently (8:30 pm)

Everyone grieves differently.

The thing about grief is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. And that's okay. That's really okay.

Sometimes I hear "well, my cousin had a stillbirth and she started trying to conceive the following month!" (or something like it) when I explain to someone that I'm not ready to even consider another child at this point. You hear "well, just go out, it'll make you feel better" when they know someone else who went out a lot following their loss and you'd rather stay holed up in your house for a little while longer. You hear suggestions and advice that you never asked for because people know someone who was grieving and want to help you the only way know how. But sometimes it's not going to help you. Sometimes only you know how to help you.

And that's okay.

It's okay to not want to attend a baby shower, a children's party, the grocery store six months after losing a child. It's okay to throw a baby shower, attend five children's parties, go out for coffee and drinks with friends two weeks after losing a child.

You know what is right. You know how you're body is wanting to grieve. And if it's not the way someone else thinks you should, that's okay. You don't need to explain your grief to anyone.

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